Posted by
Jimmy Carter on Friday, March 14, 2008 12:00:18 PM
We are All well aware of the latest epidemic sweeping across Our Glorious Nation: obesity. In order to combat this "disease," I propose a solution: Carter's Calorie Credits.
Here's how it works:
1) Find a bum and eat enough for the two of You. For example: Whenever Jimmy feels like indulging in more calories than Doctors deem "healthy," He drives to the seedy side of Town and asks a bum if he would like to join Him for lunch (the bums almost always agree). He then drives to His favorite local Steakhouse. While the bum waits outside, Jimmy makes sure to be seated at a table near the window so that the bum feels like he is participating. Now, Jimmy is Free to eat to His Heart's (stomach's) content. After gorging with a Porterhouse, loaded potato, loaf of bread, and BEER, He pays His bill, exits, and thanks the bum for his calorie credits.
For some Holidays, it is suggested that You find two bums.
or
2) If You don't want the stench of a bum in Your SUV, then adopt a child from an improvished nation; otherwise known as the "hollywood diet." Don't actually adopt a child "for less than a cup of coffee a day," just find an available name and devour enough food for the both of You on their behalf.
or
3) Collectively, as a Nation, We could purchase the continent of Africa (One might argue that We have purchased Africa many times over) and have Our caloric intake offset for many generations.
or
4) If You are like most libs and think the solution to every "problem" is to throw money at it, may I suggest You send a check or money order to Jimmy Carter (change not accepted). Jimmy Carter will use those donations to offset the lack of caloric intake of the improvished person of Your choice via Shiner Bock Beer.
Carter's Calorie Credits: creating a healthier world one person at a time.