Many years ago there was a particular topic that would come up between me and friend. After several months of kicking around this topic between us it eventually culminated into a "dare." So, call it stubborn, hard-headed, or Right, I took him up on the "dare" unbenown to him or anyone else.

     I made the proper arrangements, packed my bags into the car, and drove to Las Vegas.

     After arriving in Las Vegas, I quickly learned every industry is unionized save two: "fast food" and convience stores. Since I would NEVER join a union my options were limited, so I walked into a convience store, applied, and was hired on the spot.

     The owner of this store found out I have a penchant for pulling pranks. Here's two with a tip:

     It's not hard to figure out that We, Here in America, generally walk on the right side, the same way We drive. If there are double doors, again, We usually use the one on the right. This store had standard, glass double-doors where you pull to enter/push to exit. In front of the door (that would be the right door if you were walking out) outside on the sidewalk I used liquid cement to secure a silver dollar to the ground about three feet away. Of course, heads up.

     At least once a day, *BAM*, someone exiting the store would ram that door into someone's head that was bent over trying to pick up that silver dollar. I'm telling You it never got old laughing at it. Most of the time it was near hits, but the looks on their faces were sometimes even funnier: their mouth agape, their eyes bulging as they jerk their head back with their arm still stretched out. Other times their fingers would get run over by the door, now that looked painful.

     Also, there was public transportation. The bus stop was just outside the store, in the back. The bus would arrive about fifteen minutes before the top of the hour and then depart at the top of the hour every hour. Since loitering was not legal, one either had to be purchasing a product or playing the slot machines if in the store. 

     I noticed that those waiting for the bus to depart would play the slots until just about time for the bus to leave so as not to have to wait outside. With that I also noticed that they would watch the digital clock placed above the counter. I talked the store owner into trying something: late one evening We set the clock back five minutes. What a world of difference that made. A couple of minutes before the top of the hour the bus riders would walk outside.....then they would jerk that door open, complain that the bus driver left early, sit down and play until they were out of money and walking. It was hilarious.

     Months later, the store owner did show me the significant increase in profits from the slot machines.

     Here is my one and only monetary tip: during my cleaning and straightening routine at the store, often I would come across money laying on the candy in front of the register. Believe me, it happened oftened enough for me to expect it. What I had figured out, for the most part, is that late in the evening drunkards would make purchases with hard money, but it is almost always disorganized. They pull out their money all crumbled up and it always falls around the counter. Those candy shelves are excellent catchers and concealers. 

     This tip isn't limited to Las Vegas either. Last week, to name just one of many times, I was paying at the pump and decided to walk in the store to check the counter. I was greeted by the clerk, "May I help you?" I replied,"No, I'm just checking on something." I found a ten dollar bill right in front of the register. Who knows how long it had been there.

     So, next time you find yourself in a convience store take the moment to glance down. I bet the effort eventually pays.

    

      Here's a couple of thoughts on certain charities, the people,  the approach, and perception. Feel FREE to use any and all at your discretion.

     Numerous times I've had guys walk into my place of business and ask for money for drug and alcohol prevention (always guys with this subject). I walk between them and the door they used to get in so that they hear what I have to say:

Me: Hi. I'm Jimmy and I'm an alcoholic. Would you please give me some money so that I do not drink tonight?
Begger: Whaaaa....???
Me: Exactly. It makes no sense does, does it? It cost zero dollars to not do something. I'm not wealthy by the American sense of wealthy, but I do know one does get wealthy by paying people to do nothing, especially to do nothing to themselves. How about this: you make sure these people who "need" your "help" never have any money so that they may not be able to purchase what it is that you don't want them buying. Sounds like an excellent preventive method to me. If you state that these people would end up stealing in order to get it, then I will call you extortionists.

(I pat myself on the back and repeat the mantra: You know, if I just save one life....)

     Numerous times I've been approached by women who are doing their fair share of raising awareness about something (always chicks with this subject):

Perky: Hi!! Good afternoon!! I'm Jane and I'm part of a group who will be walking this Saturday morning to raise funds in order to raise awareness about aids. Would you like to contribute to aids awareness?
Me: May I ask you how you first became aware of aids?
Perky: Whaaa...??
Me: Did you not ever hear about aids until you saw someone walking?

Perky: Well, I, uhmmmm...

Me: How about this, you come over and mow my lawn and I'll pay you for it and you can it give to whomever you like?

Perky: No thank you, sir.

Me: Since you have these afternoons free, along with Saturday mornings, why don't you get a job that would fill this time, get paid, and give it to whomever you like? You'd be productive and charitable, win/win.

Perky: Well, I, uhmmm....

Me: Could it be that you just want people to know you care? Okay, I now know you care and now I'm aware of aids too! And it didn't cost me a single cent to boot! Thank you. Now, I'm not wealthy by the American sense of wealthy, but I do know one does not get wealthy by paying someone to walk for me.

       How about you pay me to walk overthere and I'll make you aware of something I think you are unaware of, I call it, "Running Out Of Timeism." I will start raising money in order to raise awareness of "Running Out Of Timeism" and to lobby the government so that they may start to regulate and redistribute time for all of us (one can argue that they already do). [Then for even more sarcastic effect: "Women, children, and minorities are hardest hit."]

(I pat myself on the back and repeat the mantra: You know, if I just save one life....)

What about corporations willing to donate based on an athlete's performance or a team's performance?

For example:

For every homerun batterA hits this year, XYZCorp. will donate x dollars to POOROrphanage. Does this affect the game? Is the opposing team now against POOROrphanage? Does the pitcher, who strikes out batterA, go tell POOROphanage that they will have to make do without? What if batterA needed to advance some baserunners by butting in order to win the game? Does batterA go tell POOROrphanage that they will have to make do without? What does all this tell you about XYZCorp?

     Here's one that happens every Holiday Season:

Me: So, what are you doing this year?
Perky: Well, like we do every year, we are going to find someone for us to sponsor from an Angel Tree?
Me: Why?
Perky: Well, they're usually poor and have nothing and kids don't get any presents.....and it feels good to give to those in "need."
(I can go one of two ways with this one: what does the family do the other 364 days a year or "feels good" route)
Me: It feels good? [chuckle]......

(now, they either think they were insulted or attacked, so they react in kind)

Perky: So, what? I guess you don't give....

Me: No, you don't know what I give, when I give, or even if I give at all. But I will state that I wouldn't give to someone just because of poverty. With this Nation all one has to do is go to a government agency and food and shelter is provided. So long as there is cancer, diabetes, Children's Hospitals, wounded and maimed Military, etc., I do not care to spend my income on people just because they may be "poor."
Perky: So, if or when you give to those places you named you don't feel good about it?
Me: Absolutely not. It saddens me that they exist. It frustrates me to think they may always exist.


     Then, there are those that seek to "save" something. You can tell the size of their ego by the size of what they are "saving."

     The limited ego climbs a tree to "save" a single tree (man, that must feel good).

     A bigger ego goes for a whole species (man, oh man, that must feel great).

     Megalomaniacs goe after Homo Sapiens and saves them from themselves (can't imagine that type of feeling).

     The Super-Duper Megalomaniac saves the Entire Orb (Yes, him).

     Look for the "End Times" when the entire Universe "needs" saving...